Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
