man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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