i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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