I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
