After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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