Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
