Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
