Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
