u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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