she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
