By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
