I skipped work to stalk him.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
