uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
