Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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