The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
