Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
