There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
