In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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