I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A bitchslap is in order.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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