The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
