someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
