her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
