I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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