so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
