i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
