remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
