singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
