apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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