I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
