Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
