I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize
