So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
