I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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