he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
