ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
