And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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