I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
