Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
