Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize