i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
