I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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