im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
3pm strippers are depressing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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