if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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