you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
