I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will be naked everywhere
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
