you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
