I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
