So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
