even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
