I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
