oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
