He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
